Lights in the distance

This is forever, these lights in the distance , these lights look so far away , so always distant. I don’t want you to grow in this total sadness , I thought we would leave this no place , this being in the bosom of uncertainty. Because no one thought that the best times were those times , and now what’s left are a few memories . A few memories that were not even the most beloved .

C’est pour toujours, ces lumières au loin, ces lumières semblent si lointaines, si toujours lointaines. Je ne veux pas que tu grandisses dans cette tristesse totale, je pensais que nous ne laisserions pas cet endroit, cet être au sein de l’incertitude. Parce que personne ne pensait que les meilleurs moments étaient ceux-là, et maintenant ce qui reste, ce sont quelques souvenirs. Quelques souvenirs qui n’étaient même pas les plus chers .

Monkey see, monkey do

Everybody feel the same as you, everybody is writing these same sentences in different order.

If you are scare , they are too. If you feel the best times are gone , that’s true too. Never like before , never.

I feel damage, I feel we are avatars of ourselves . My avatar is either in rehab or tripping balls in front of the tv everyday at the same hour. What I like everyday is more random . The songs don’t do the job anymore, the music turn to depressive sessions at 3 am .

I wish that you feel what I feel . People suffers who they are but too who they chose to have closer . And you are not close , and you were never being close either .

The moral of all this is ; even in the end of the world you are not with me .

And me , well … I was not here either . I was probably living in the dreams of somebody else.

I’m just stone again looking my life like a movie of low budget . The house can just caught on fire once , the rest is remains .

I’m these remains . Did you feel the same ? Who we are now ?

Same day. A year in.

Same day , same night without sleeping. It’s being like this for a year . This is not a poem or maybe it is . This is the time of Covid . And I want to believe that this time is just a repetition in my brain . I’m there in the middle of this apocalyptic time. Now, that everyone is an idiot, nobody can save their own soul . I’m just afraid that I cannot save my soul either. I’m paralyzed, inside of me. I’m paralyzed in front of my screen. The screen doesn’t blink and I cannot cry either. I want you to be here . My eyes hurt so bad , pieces of memories run down my chin , still is just a sensation my tears never come down. I have my eyes kept on to the light and the shapes in the screen. I feel my heart hunting you. I want you here. I don’t ever want to stop missing you . But you are getting blurry in my memory , I’m afraid you are getting blurry in my heart .

Le même jour. Un an plus tard.

Le même jour, la même nuit sans dormir. C’est comme ça depuis un an. Ce n’est pas un poème ou peut-être que si. C’est le temps du Covid. Et je veux croire que ce temps n’est qu’une répétition dans mon cerveau. Je suis là, au milieu de ce temps apocalyptique. Maintenant, que tout le monde est un idiot, personne ne peut sauver son âme. J’ai juste peur de ne pas pouvoir sauver mon âme non plus. Je suis paralysé, à l’intérieur de moi. Je suis paralysé devant mon écran. L’écran ne clignote pas et je ne peux pas pleurer non plus. Je veux que tu sois là. Mes yeux me font si mal, des morceaux de souvenirs coulent sur mon menton, ce n’est encore qu’une sensation, mes larmes ne coulent jamais. Je garde mes yeux sur la lumière et les formes dans l’écran. Je sens que mon coeur te chasse. Je veux que tu sois là. Je ne veux jamais cesser de te manquer. Mais tu deviens flou dans ma mémoire, j’ai peur que tu deviennes flou dans mon coeur.

Skipping the page about me

I supposed to write here helpful information for the reader about me. About what I do or who I’m. I have to be honest and possibly explain what I do in this blog . But I’m not going to do it right away. Let’s say I’m writing this, because a lot of things went wrong lately. Yes 2020, Covid , 2021. Almost a year living the same day over and over. Let’s say I’m somebody that feel pretty strong what everybody feels in this moment, that we are living in a movie that seems to last forever. That’s why I’m doing this blog.

Desde la ausencia

Creo que en esta situación de cuarentena o lockdown . Todo empieza a perder sentido. Presentarme esta por demás . Todos estamos hartos de la página de quien es el bloger y la lista de actividades convencionales . Digamos que soy una voz que pretende estar aquí . Y que escribe para sobrevivir.